J, in Lima: I'm tired. Must be the altitude.
Me: There is no altitude. We're at sea level.
J: Huh. Must be the weather, then.
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Conversation With An 8-Year-Old: Twue Wuv Edition
[we've just finished watching the bride and groom's first dance at a wedding]
A: That was what I call one hundred percent romance.
A: That was what I call one hundred percent romance.
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Conversation With an 8-Year-Old: Angelina Jolie Edition
A (watching Tomb Raider on TV): She smiles like crazy.
[she hasn't smiled that much]
Me: You mean, she smiles a lot? Or like she's crazy?
A: ... both.
[she hasn't smiled that much]
Me: You mean, she smiles a lot? Or like she's crazy?
A: ... both.
Conversation With an 8-Year-Old: Double Meaning Edition
A (on the bus): Willow Street? There's a Willow Street? Willow's a kind of tree!
Me: Yeah, a lot of streets in Vancouver are named after trees. Like Oak Street.
A: Oh, yeah! But ... that's Heather Street. Heather's a girl's name.
Me: And a kind of plant, actually.
A: Ash Street? Ash isn't a tree.
Me: Actually, it is. Ash is the name of a kind of tree.
A: Ash is what you get when you burn a tree.
Me: Yeah, a lot of streets in Vancouver are named after trees. Like Oak Street.
A: Oh, yeah! But ... that's Heather Street. Heather's a girl's name.
Me: And a kind of plant, actually.
A: Ash Street? Ash isn't a tree.
Me: Actually, it is. Ash is the name of a kind of tree.
A: Ash is what you get when you burn a tree.
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Conversations With My Family: Summer Vacation Edition
A (hugging me): Mom? Your heart sounds like a rock band.
________________________
5-year-old niece, pensively: Auntie Melania, you have blonde skin.
________________________
A: I know what the birthplace of jazz is.
Me: Oh, yeah? Where?
A: Wales.
Me: What? Wales?
A: Yes. I think so.
Me: I don't think it is. I think Wales is known to be a very musical place, but I think a number of American cities would consider themselves the birthplace of jazz, and Wales is in Europe.
A: Okay, but I know who invented jazz.
Me: Who?
A: Loo-Iss Armstrong.
________________________
A: Do you know what monster humans are most afraid of?
Me: No.
A: I'll give you a hint. It's like a big snake.
Me: A dragon?
A: No.
Me: A sea serpent?
A: No.
Me: Is this a real monster or a made up one?
A: A made up one. They're scared of it in Japan.
Me: I don't know.
A: Godzilla!!
Me: Ohhh - Godzilla is nothing like a snake.
A: It's a bit like a snake.
Me: It's more like a lizard than a snake.
A: Why do you think it's called Godzilla?
Me: Oh, I don't know.
A: Well, I know the first part. I mean, "God" ...
Me: Oh, but you know, the sounds that make up the name in Japanese could just happen to mean something in English, that they don't really mean. Like, "peru" means "turkey" in Portuguese, not the country at all, and "dude" means "worm" in Arabic.
A: Really?
Me: Yep. Made for some awkward moments in Tunisia.
A: Wouldn't it be funny if "god" meant "ice cream" in Japanese? Then you could say "we're eating gods for dessert! We feast upon the gods!" and if the gods got mad, you could just say, "no, we meant ice cream."
_____________________________
A (examining his Pirate Pack on the ferry): I bet even I could take this ship. Not one of these sailors is carrying a sword! And is anyone guarding the treasure?! No!
________________________
5-year-old niece, pensively: Auntie Melania, you have blonde skin.
________________________
A: I know what the birthplace of jazz is.
Me: Oh, yeah? Where?
A: Wales.
Me: What? Wales?
A: Yes. I think so.
Me: I don't think it is. I think Wales is known to be a very musical place, but I think a number of American cities would consider themselves the birthplace of jazz, and Wales is in Europe.
A: Okay, but I know who invented jazz.
Me: Who?
A: Loo-Iss Armstrong.
________________________
A: Do you know what monster humans are most afraid of?
Me: No.
A: I'll give you a hint. It's like a big snake.
Me: A dragon?
A: No.
Me: A sea serpent?
A: No.
Me: Is this a real monster or a made up one?
A: A made up one. They're scared of it in Japan.
Me: I don't know.
A: Godzilla!!
Me: Ohhh - Godzilla is nothing like a snake.
A: It's a bit like a snake.
Me: It's more like a lizard than a snake.
A: Why do you think it's called Godzilla?
Me: Oh, I don't know.
A: Well, I know the first part. I mean, "God" ...
Me: Oh, but you know, the sounds that make up the name in Japanese could just happen to mean something in English, that they don't really mean. Like, "peru" means "turkey" in Portuguese, not the country at all, and "dude" means "worm" in Arabic.
A: Really?
Me: Yep. Made for some awkward moments in Tunisia.
A: Wouldn't it be funny if "god" meant "ice cream" in Japanese? Then you could say "we're eating gods for dessert! We feast upon the gods!" and if the gods got mad, you could just say, "no, we meant ice cream."
_____________________________
A (examining his Pirate Pack on the ferry): I bet even I could take this ship. Not one of these sailors is carrying a sword! And is anyone guarding the treasure?! No!
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Conversation With An 8-Year-Old: Myths and Gods Edition
Me: So, just so you know, the school you'll be going to in Peru will probably have a religious part.
A: What?
Me: Like, they'll teach you about religion. About God. I mean, as well as all the regular subjects.
A: Oh. What gods?
Me: Oh - the Christian God. You know, the one that's just called "God", that's in the Bible, that people say is Jesus' father ...
A [deeply disappointed]: But I want to learn about the Greek gods! I wish they were teaching me about the Greek gods, not the Christian one.
Me: Okay, but listen. You are already really interested in Greek gods and are learning lots about them on your own. And Christianity is a part of your heritage - your dad and I both come from Christian backgrounds, and it will be good for you to learn more about that. It also plays a big part in lots of other things you'll be learning about, so it's good to be familiar with it.
A: But -
Me: And you'll always be able to learn about the Greek gods.
A: Okay. Speaking of learning, can I go back on Wikipedia?
(Edit: I just realized I never told him that the people at the school will view God on very different footing from the way they view Greek gods, and he needs to be aware and respectful of their belief. We'll need to review that soon.)
A: What?
Me: Like, they'll teach you about religion. About God. I mean, as well as all the regular subjects.
A: Oh. What gods?
Me: Oh - the Christian God. You know, the one that's just called "God", that's in the Bible, that people say is Jesus' father ...
A [deeply disappointed]: But I want to learn about the Greek gods! I wish they were teaching me about the Greek gods, not the Christian one.
Me: Okay, but listen. You are already really interested in Greek gods and are learning lots about them on your own. And Christianity is a part of your heritage - your dad and I both come from Christian backgrounds, and it will be good for you to learn more about that. It also plays a big part in lots of other things you'll be learning about, so it's good to be familiar with it.
A: But -
Me: And you'll always be able to learn about the Greek gods.
A: Okay. Speaking of learning, can I go back on Wikipedia?
(Edit: I just realized I never told him that the people at the school will view God on very different footing from the way they view Greek gods, and he needs to be aware and respectful of their belief. We'll need to review that soon.)
Friday, April 5, 2013
Conversations With My Boys: East Asia Edition
On the trip to China and Japan:
[We land in heavy smog in Beijing]
A: Actually, this looks just like Manitoba.
Me: That's because you can't see any of it.
___________________________________________
J (on drinking vanilla soda): This tastes identical to Inca Kola!
___________________________________________
J (upon discovering Coke flavoured Mentos): I have Coke, and I have Coke Mentos. I want to do a science experiment in my mouth!
___________________________________________
Dad: You guys don't know who Confucius was?
J: No.
Dad: Well, he was a teacher, and he's pretty famous, someone whose teachings are so well known and respected that he's kind of worshiped. A bit like Mohammad, or Jesus, or ...
J: He's like someone in my class?
____________________________________________
A (holding incense for the Tibetan Lama Temple): Hey J! This makes a great machine gun! Chk-chk-chk-chk-chk! We're the Incense Troopers!
____________________________________________
J (upon seeing electric lamps in the Lama Temple): So, they do use electricity? They work it into their culture?
____________________________________________
A (at the central Beijing train station): Anybody tries to pick MY pocket, they'll find a LOT of junk.
____________________________________________
[I start paying attention to the kids' dialogue in time to hear this]
A: ... and he tried to look innocent, but it's hard to look innocent when you're English.
J: What?
A: You know, English. From England.
____________________________________________
A: I'm starving!! ... Not really. I was being DRO-matic.
____________________________________________
J (on arriving at our hosts' in Hebei): They're treating us a bit like kings.
____________________________________________
A: I will always remember my first taste of fresh goat's milk! Mostly because I took a picture of it with my iPod Touch.
____________________________________________
A (after visiting his first Japanese restroom): They have bum squirters!
____________________________________________
J: What does "obedient" mean? ... Why are you laughing?!?!
____________________________________________
A: Japan and China are really very different, aren't they? But in Canada, people treat them like they're practically the same!
____________________________________________
J (peeling himself off a wall after seeing his first bullet train): That scared the heck - the H-E-double hockey sticks - out of me!
____________________________________________
A: J could strip the bones of half a mermaid in seconds flat.
Me: What?
A: Well, there are some fish that can strip the bones of a person in seconds flat. And J loves to eat fish. And I think you know that mermaids are half fish.
_____________________________________________
A: Ninjas could kill any animal. By befriending it and then when they share a meal, poisoning its food.
_____________________________________________
Me (as we arrive in Vancouver): Wow, look at that blue sky! Where's the smog?
J (rolling eyes): Mom! It's not Beijing!
[We land in heavy smog in Beijing]
A: Actually, this looks just like Manitoba.
Me: That's because you can't see any of it.
___________________________________________
J (on drinking vanilla soda): This tastes identical to Inca Kola!
___________________________________________
J (upon discovering Coke flavoured Mentos): I have Coke, and I have Coke Mentos. I want to do a science experiment in my mouth!
___________________________________________
Dad: You guys don't know who Confucius was?
J: No.
Dad: Well, he was a teacher, and he's pretty famous, someone whose teachings are so well known and respected that he's kind of worshiped. A bit like Mohammad, or Jesus, or ...
J: He's like someone in my class?
____________________________________________
A (holding incense for the Tibetan Lama Temple): Hey J! This makes a great machine gun! Chk-chk-chk-chk-chk! We're the Incense Troopers!
____________________________________________
J (upon seeing electric lamps in the Lama Temple): So, they do use electricity? They work it into their culture?
____________________________________________
A (at the central Beijing train station): Anybody tries to pick MY pocket, they'll find a LOT of junk.
____________________________________________
[I start paying attention to the kids' dialogue in time to hear this]
A: ... and he tried to look innocent, but it's hard to look innocent when you're English.
J: What?
A: You know, English. From England.
____________________________________________
A: I'm starving!! ... Not really. I was being DRO-matic.
____________________________________________
J (on arriving at our hosts' in Hebei): They're treating us a bit like kings.
____________________________________________
A: I will always remember my first taste of fresh goat's milk! Mostly because I took a picture of it with my iPod Touch.
____________________________________________
A (after visiting his first Japanese restroom): They have bum squirters!
____________________________________________
J: What does "obedient" mean? ... Why are you laughing?!?!
____________________________________________
A: Japan and China are really very different, aren't they? But in Canada, people treat them like they're practically the same!
____________________________________________
J (peeling himself off a wall after seeing his first bullet train): That scared the heck - the H-E-double hockey sticks - out of me!
____________________________________________
A: J could strip the bones of half a mermaid in seconds flat.
Me: What?
A: Well, there are some fish that can strip the bones of a person in seconds flat. And J loves to eat fish. And I think you know that mermaids are half fish.
_____________________________________________
A: Ninjas could kill any animal. By befriending it and then when they share a meal, poisoning its food.
_____________________________________________
Me (as we arrive in Vancouver): Wow, look at that blue sky! Where's the smog?
J (rolling eyes): Mom! It's not Beijing!
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Conversation With a 10-Year-Old: Stalling Edition
J [After the lights are off, as I'm tucking him into bed]: So, Mom?
Me: Yes?
J: How was your day today?
Me: Just fine, kid.
J: Did you get any exciting new cases?
Me: Well, I ... wait. Nice try, son. Go to sleep.
Me: Yes?
J: How was your day today?
Me: Just fine, kid.
J: Did you get any exciting new cases?
Me: Well, I ... wait. Nice try, son. Go to sleep.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Conversation With a 7-Year-Old: Early Riser Edition
[A enters the living room wrapped in a blanket at 6:55 am]
Me: Good morning!
A: Good morning. Am I up early?
Me: Yes, you're up pretty early.
A: I woke up, and I knew it was morning, because I could hear the birds tweeting outside. They start to tweet in the morning.
Me: That's true, they do.
A: They're like my alarm clock!
Me (chuckling): I guess that's right!
A (warming to the subject): Actually, they're a very good alarm clock. They wake you up, and you can't turn them off!
Me: Good morning!
A: Good morning. Am I up early?
Me: Yes, you're up pretty early.
A: I woke up, and I knew it was morning, because I could hear the birds tweeting outside. They start to tweet in the morning.
Me: That's true, they do.
A: They're like my alarm clock!
Me (chuckling): I guess that's right!
A (warming to the subject): Actually, they're a very good alarm clock. They wake you up, and you can't turn them off!
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Conversation With a 7-Year-Old: Explanatory Edition
A: It's just that I really like to read! All the time! I mean ... no offence.
Me: Okay, I think we need to talk about what "offence" means. Do you know what offence is, what it means to be offended?
A: Yeah, I think I do.
Me: All right, what does it mean?
A: It means ... um ... it's just like when ... Okay, I'll give you an example to show what I mean.
Me: Go ahead.
A: Okay. I'm going to make it a law example, because you're a lawyer, all right? To make it a little clearer?
Me: Sure.
A: So, that town that wanted to kill the deer. The people who don't like killing the deer, they might be offended that people want to kill the deer. And that's why they're taking them to court.
Me: Wow, sounds like you understand it. But it's not just not liking someone doing a thing - it's that the thing hurts you or is really unpleasant to you. And could that ever apply to you reading?
A: Ha! No.
Me: Okay, I think we need to talk about what "offence" means. Do you know what offence is, what it means to be offended?
A: Yeah, I think I do.
Me: All right, what does it mean?
A: It means ... um ... it's just like when ... Okay, I'll give you an example to show what I mean.
Me: Go ahead.
A: Okay. I'm going to make it a law example, because you're a lawyer, all right? To make it a little clearer?
Me: Sure.
A: So, that town that wanted to kill the deer. The people who don't like killing the deer, they might be offended that people want to kill the deer. And that's why they're taking them to court.
Me: Wow, sounds like you understand it. But it's not just not liking someone doing a thing - it's that the thing hurts you or is really unpleasant to you. And could that ever apply to you reading?
A: Ha! No.
Friday, February 1, 2013
Conversation With the Boys: Spirituality Edition
[I've just tucked the boys into bed]
A: Mom? There are some people that are sort of Christians and sort of not Christians. They believe some of the Christian things.
Me: That's right.
A: And I'm one of those people.
J: Me too!
A: Because I believe, when you die, you go on to a new life. Like, you've finished this level and you're going on to the next level.
J: I believe that if there's an animal you really love, you might become the spirit of that animal after you die.
Me: That's pretty cool.
A: Do you believe in that stuff, Mom?
Me: Christian beliefs? I gotta say, kiddo, I don't really believe in most of the things that Christians do - not the things that make them specifically Christian, I mean.
A: But what about, like, wizards and ghosts and those things?
Me: Nope, I don't believe in supernatural things. But I do like to imagine they exist, and I think imagining things is pretty magical.
J: Well, I believe.
A: Me too!
[I now wonder whether we should have explored what they actually think "Christian" means]
A: Mom? There are some people that are sort of Christians and sort of not Christians. They believe some of the Christian things.
Me: That's right.
A: And I'm one of those people.
J: Me too!
A: Because I believe, when you die, you go on to a new life. Like, you've finished this level and you're going on to the next level.
J: I believe that if there's an animal you really love, you might become the spirit of that animal after you die.
Me: That's pretty cool.
A: Do you believe in that stuff, Mom?
Me: Christian beliefs? I gotta say, kiddo, I don't really believe in most of the things that Christians do - not the things that make them specifically Christian, I mean.
A: But what about, like, wizards and ghosts and those things?
Me: Nope, I don't believe in supernatural things. But I do like to imagine they exist, and I think imagining things is pretty magical.
J: Well, I believe.
A: Me too!
[I now wonder whether we should have explored what they actually think "Christian" means]
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Conversation With a 7-Year-Old: Mispronunciation Edition
A: So, I know some stuff about Jews.
Me: I beg your pardon?
A: You know, Jews? Like, the ancient Greek god who ruled the skies?
Me: Ooooh. Zeus.
A: Yeah, him.
Me: I beg your pardon?
A: You know, Jews? Like, the ancient Greek god who ruled the skies?
Me: Ooooh. Zeus.
A: Yeah, him.
Conversation With a 10-Year-Old: Fantasy Geek Edition
J, after seeing the Hobbit: I wish I could have a white warg!
Me: ... ??? ...
J: I mean, a baby one! That isn't evil! And I could train it!
Me: I think you want a direwolf.
J: A what?
Me: Like a warg, sort of. You'll learn about them later.
Me: ... ??? ...
J: I mean, a baby one! That isn't evil! And I could train it!
Me: I think you want a direwolf.
J: A what?
Me: Like a warg, sort of. You'll learn about them later.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Conversation With a 9-Year-Old: Damage Control Edition
[My cell phone rings at work]
Me: Hello?
J: Hi Mom.
Me: Hi sweetie. How are you?
J: What [the nanny] says I did isn't true!!!
Me: .... um, she didn't say you did anything.
J: She didn't call you?
Me: ... no ...
J: Oh. Well, I love you Mom. Bye.
*click*
Me: Hello?
J: Hi Mom.
Me: Hi sweetie. How are you?
J: What [the nanny] says I did isn't true!!!
Me: .... um, she didn't say you did anything.
J: She didn't call you?
Me: ... no ...
J: Oh. Well, I love you Mom. Bye.
*click*
Conversations With My Family: Christmas 2012 Edition
Me (to my Dad): So, if you have any kindling you need chopped, just let me know.
Dad: You want to chop wood?
Me: I like splitting wood.
Husband: ... and hairs ...
__________________________
My Dad: I split all my green poplar at minus 20.
__________________________
My 4-year-old niece (pretending to give eggnog to a moose ornament, and singing softly): He knows when you've been drinking, he knows when you're awake ...
__________________________
A: Are the stockings hanged?
Me: Stockings are hung, dear. People are hanged.
A: Oh, right.
__________________________
J, magnanimously: You can put any pictures of me you want to on Facebook, Mom. That's my Christmas present to you.
__________________________
[watching TV with a sick A at the hotel]
A: Walsh College? Is that a college that's only for Walsh people?
__________________________
J (after throwing up twice): I'm dying!! Take me to the hospital!
A (after throwing up every 15 minutes for 4 straight hours): Mom, I don't really feel that well.
__________________________
J (in reference to the cheap motel we ended up at in Brandon): Mom, this place is pretty much Paradise.
__________________________
Grandfather-in-law: So, I don't know if you people have a CD player, but I thought you might be interested in this [hands me a box set of Guy Lombardo LPs].
Me: I will find a turntable, never fear.
__________________________
My cousin (late in the evening): Oh my God! You know what they should sell?! Loaves of SANDWICHES.
__________________________
Mother-in-law: Well, as they say - "forgive us our Christmases, as we forgive those who Christmas against us."
Dad: You want to chop wood?
Me: I like splitting wood.
Husband: ... and hairs ...
__________________________
My Dad: I split all my green poplar at minus 20.
__________________________
My 4-year-old niece (pretending to give eggnog to a moose ornament, and singing softly): He knows when you've been drinking, he knows when you're awake ...
__________________________
A: Are the stockings hanged?
Me: Stockings are hung, dear. People are hanged.
A: Oh, right.
__________________________
J, magnanimously: You can put any pictures of me you want to on Facebook, Mom. That's my Christmas present to you.
__________________________
[watching TV with a sick A at the hotel]
A: Walsh College? Is that a college that's only for Walsh people?
__________________________
J (after throwing up twice): I'm dying!! Take me to the hospital!
A (after throwing up every 15 minutes for 4 straight hours): Mom, I don't really feel that well.
__________________________
J (in reference to the cheap motel we ended up at in Brandon): Mom, this place is pretty much Paradise.
__________________________
Grandfather-in-law: So, I don't know if you people have a CD player, but I thought you might be interested in this [hands me a box set of Guy Lombardo LPs].
Me: I will find a turntable, never fear.
__________________________
My cousin (late in the evening): Oh my God! You know what they should sell?! Loaves of SANDWICHES.
__________________________
Mother-in-law: Well, as they say - "forgive us our Christmases, as we forgive those who Christmas against us."
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