Conversation With a 6-Year-Old: Realism Edition

A: If you wanted to make a LEGO nuclear bomb, it would have to be about this big [extends arms in a circle].

Me: Oh ... I suppose so?

A, resignedly: But then you'd need a LOT of LEGO skeletons.

Conversation Between the Boys: Plot Convention Edition

[From the back seat - A has made a stick figure from twist ties]

A: My guy is called Mr. Green. And he's like a super hero.

J: What are the other characters?

A: Well, there's Mr. Heart, who is nice and has lots of love and feelings.

J: But Mr. Green wants to beat him up anyway!

A: No, Mr. Green wants to marry him - her.

J: Fine, Mr. Green wants to marry Miss Heart.

A: Yeah, but he has to get Mr. Heart first.

J: Okay, but doesn't Mr. Green fight anybody?

A: Yeah - Mr. Pain.

Conversation With a 9-Year-Old: Universal Truth Edition

Me: Ugh. Cramps.

J: What's wrong?

Me: I just have cramps.

J: From what?

Me: From my period.

J: Oh. How many times does that happen? Like, once a year?

Me: Try once a month.

J: Oh, that's too bad. But then it means you can have babies, right?

Me: Sort of. Yes, yes, I guess that's basically what it means.

J: It's sort of like, "you get to have babies, but you have to have this bad thing happen to get the prize, which is the babies." So, it's like a curse.

Me: Did you just say the period is like a curse?

J [defensively]: Well, it is!! Kind of, you know?

Me: Did you hear it called the curse somewhere?

J: No, but it kind of makes sense, doesn't it?

Conversation With a 6-Year-Old: Blowing Smoke Edition

A [as our bus goes over the Granville Bridge]: Mom, are we high?

Me: Well, I'm not ...

A: Huh?

----------------
A [after purchasing a box of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans]: Mom, do you like grass? You should try grass. Wanna try grass?? .... Why are you laughing!?

Conversation With My Kids: Keen Observation Edition

J, at LegoLand: Dad! Dad!! Look!! They have LEGO!!!

-----------------------------
A, leaving a Peruvian restaurant, after all we've talked about is the Peruvian food and decor and drinks, and Inca Kola: Wait! Was that a Peruvian restaurant?!

Conversation With a 9-Year-Old: Attitude Edition

Me: J, you really need to stop bossing your brother around.

J: Mom, I think you know where I get that from, right?

Me: ummmm. Where?

J: From X [friend at school]. He's so bossy!

Conversation With a 6-Year-Old: Stieg Larssen Edition

Me: Okay, guys, stop sticking things in the fireplace. That's enough.

A: But I can't stop. I'm the Boy Who Played With Fire.

Conversation With a 9-Year-Old: Another Gourmand Edition

Me, at Granville Island: J, have you ever eaten a raw oyster?

J: No ...

Me: Do you want to?

J: Yes!!

[some time later, at the restaurant, he grabs one and goes to chow down]

Me: Wait! Put some lemon and stuff on it. And then you have to swallow it whole.

J: But, how?

Me: Like this.

J [tries, spits it back out]: I can't. I'm just going to chew it.

[Chews and swallows]

J: Okay, I get why you have to swallow them whole.

[proceeds to successfully down 2 more oysters]

Conversation With a 6-Year-Old: Equality Edition

A: Why is there an International Women's Day, but no International Men's Day?

Me: Why do you think?

A: Because in lots of parts of the world, they only have queens and only the women are in charge. No kings, so no men's day.

Conversation With a 6-Year-Old: Superiority Edition

A, to two 3-year-old girls: I'm as old as both of you ... added together.

Conversation With a 6-Year-Old: Observations Edition

[Riding the bus, reading the advertisements]

A [conversationally]: So, do you think it really *is* easier to buy glasses online?

[some time passes]

A: Drugs! Not for me!

[more time passes]

A: Why is there so much coffee in this town?! Starbucks Coffee, Blenz Coffee, Cuppa Joe - how much coffee do these people need?! How do they all stay in business?

Conversation With a 6-Year-Old: Spirit Edition

[following a kitchen dance party]

Me: Okay, time to go have a bath.

A: No, I don't want a bath.

Me: Yep, gotta go wash that dance sweat off you.

A [dramatically]: You can never wash the dance spirit off me!!