Conversation With a 6-Year-Old: When Life Hands You Lemons Edition

[A is sitting on the toilet lid in his pjs and my slippers while I do my hair and makeup to go to work]

Me: Do you want me to comb your hair, to get rid of some of that bed head?

A: Yes, but not all of it.

Me: You want to keep some of your bed head?

A: Yes, because that way even though I have to get up when I'm still sleepy, my hair can sleep for a little longer.

The Emotional Intelligence of Elephants

The 6-year-old came home with a trick for remembering how to spell "because":

Big Elephants Can Always Understand Small Elephants.

I remember this by spelling "because", and then slotting in words that create a statement about larger elephants understanding little elephants.

As a kid I always had trouble spelling "eight". In the spirit of the Grade 1 teacher's use of the mnemonic device, I've created my own, which I can only hope will assist my children:

Even Igloos Get Hot & Toasty.

We'll see if it works. Probably it will just result in a lot of documents featuring the number "eighat".

Conversation With a 6-Year-Old: Curse Word Edition

A: Oops! I almost said the s-word.

Dad [concerned]: What's the s-word?

A: "Stupid". We shouldn't say it. Or the f-word.

Dad [smiling]: And what's the f-word?

A: F**k.

Dad: Ooooh. Yeah, definitely shouldn't say that one.

A: You know what we say instead? Firetruck.

Dad: Oh, okay. That's all right.

[some hours pass]

A [overheard on the stairs]: Firef**k! Firef**k! Firef**k!

Today I ...

I occasionally write down all the things I've done in a day in my facebook status. This is mostly meant to reassure myself that just because I feel like I've gotten nothing done and the house is a mess, that is not actually the case.

So, here goes:

Slept in till 8, got up, drank coffee. Researched bunk beds and area rugs online. Went out for breakfast with the family. Went to the store to buy groceries. Went to another store to buy mitts and gloves to replace the ones that were lost yesterday. Went home. Did five loads of laundry, while also cooking lunch and cleaning the gerbil cage. Packed boxes of dishes, clothes, and books. Headed out shopping again for supplies for the new house - did not get bunk beds. Went to a lumber store to buy a board onto which to copy the children's height record from the door frame here. Picked up the kids from their play date and went over to the new house with the supplies. Set up lamps and rugs, and unpacked some boxes. Went home and cooked supper. Helped the eldest practice piano for 45 minutes. Helped him with math homework while cleaning the kitchen. Updated blog. 

Now, off to sort socks, and then to bed.

Conversation With a 6-Year-Old: Bill Watterson Edition

A: Calvin is so funny! That guy who wrote it, why did he write it?

Me: Because he wanted to, I guess. He was pretty funny.

A: Is he dead?

Me: No, I think he just got tired of writing that comic strip. He wrote it for a long time.

A: Maybe he got bored.

Me: Maybe. But he sure was funny, huh?

A: He was weird and funny and smart all at the same time!

Me: The best ones always are, kiddo.

[some time later]

A [giggling]: Calvin's stuffy, Hobbes? When they played football, and he got a goal, then he said, "and then all the cheerleaders came over for smooches!" Funny and weird.

Conversation With a 6-Year-Old: Comparative Advantage Edition

A: You know what would be really unfair? If I was driving, and I am not a very good driver, but I was driving anyway, and you were just cooking? That wouldn't be very fair for you!

Me [looking at him blankly]: ... I like cooking ...

A: Because, Mom! I'm way better at cooking than I am at driving! If I was driving, we'd probably crash. So it would be unfair.

Conversation Between the Boys: Global Conflict Edition

J [singing]: If the world was a little bit better, a little better than it was.

Together: If the world was a little bit better, a little better that it was.

Together: If the world was a little bit kinder, a little kinder than it was.

A: If the world was a little more peaceful, a little more peaceful than it was.

[pause]

A: Because, you know, it would be better if it was more peaceful. There are even battles happening in the world today, you know.

J: Yeah ...

[thoughtful pause]

Both, talking over each other excitedly: With bombs! And missiles! And grenades! And Gatling guns!

[pause]

A: But, it really should be more peaceful.

Conversation With the Boys: Geography Edition

Dad: So, what's the capital of Canada?

J + A: Ottawa!

Dad: And Manitoba?

J + A: Winnipeg!

Dad: And the Yukon?

J: Whitehorse!

Dad: And China?

A: San Diego!

Conversation With an 8-Year-Old: Disappointment Edition

J: They cancelled pajama day at school.

Me: Oh, that's a real shame. That would have been fun. Do you know why it was cancelled?

J: No.

A: And they cancelled mine, too!

J: Mom, do you get a pajama day?

Me: Where? At my work?

J: Yes.

Me: No.

J [dejectedly]: Yeah. Neither do we.

Conversation With a 6-Year-Old: Reuse Edition

Me: Okay, guys, I collected the newspapers from the new house. They were all piled up by the fireplace. We can use them for wrapping glasses.

Dad: You're lucky they weren't burned already.

A: Oh! I know what we can do with the newspapers after we're done using them to wrap things.

Me: What's that?

A: We can tear them into strips and make gerbil blankets!

Conversation With the Boys: Pep Talk Edition

J: How did your exam go yesterday?

M: Mmm, not that great, but I think it was okay.

J: How many questions did you get right?

M: I don't know - they haven't marked it yet.

J: Do you think you passed?

M: I think so. I have another one on Thursday.

J [chanting]: Go Mommy Go! Go Mommy Go! I want you to be a lawyer! I want you to be a lawyer! Go Mommy Go!

A [entering the room]: You want Mom to go?

J: No, "go" like "win".

A: Ohhh. [chanting] Win Mommy Win! Win your exam!

J + A: We want you to be a laaaaw-yer!

Conversation With an 8-Year-Old: Cost-Benefit Edition

Me: J, why don't you and your brother like the tooth fairy?

J: Because if we put our tooths under the pillow, you just throw them away in the garbage.

Me: But you get money for your teeth ...

J: Yeah, and then you throw them away! And after all this work we put into them. We clean them, and brush them, and make them nice and shiny, and then you just throw them away! If you bought them and then took care of them, that would be different.

Me: Okay, it's not really a purchase.

J: You want the tooths, I'll sell them to you if you promise not to throw them out.

Me: Yeah ... you can keep them.

Conversation With a 6-Year-Old: Old Fogey Edition

A: B and C and all the other boys at school are making jokes about doing "it".

Me: I'm sure they are. That's what kids at school do.

A: But, do you know what "it" is?

Me: Yes, yes I do.

A: Really?!

Me: Yes, I know what it means to do "it".

[A leaves the room]

[A pokes head into the room some time later]

A: It just means to do with S -- E -- X!

Me: Yes, I know that. People have been calling it "it" since before I was born. Possibly a lot longer than that.

A: Really? Wow.

Conversation With My Boys: Obligations Edition

J: Mom, I heard at school that when you're in Grade 6, you have to ...

Me: Yes?

J: Well, that you have to ...

Me: Have to what?

J: You have to when you're in Grade 6 take a girl out and dance with her.

Me: No, you definitely are under no obligation to do that in Grade 6.

J: Oh. Okay. I didn't think you had to. It was just what they said.

A: I didn't believe them at school, Mom. I believe you.

[I win!]