Conversation With A 9-Year-Old: Birds and Bees Edition

[J is working on a school research project on raccoons. STILL.]

Dad: Okay, and the mating season ...

J: Raccoon mating season is between January and March. [Eyes suddenly widen in shock ...] But that means ...!!!

Dad: Yes.

J: The raccoons in our yard ...

Dad: That's right. They could be having sex RIGHT NOW.

J: Ewww, Dad!

[36 hours pass]

J: Mom! Our raccoons are going to have babies!!