Conversation With An 8-Year-Old: Myths and Gods Edition

Me: So, just so you know, the school you'll be going to in Peru will probably have a religious part.

A: What?

Me: Like, they'll teach you about religion. About God. I mean, as well as all the regular subjects.

A: Oh. What gods?

Me: Oh - the Christian God. You know, the one that's just called "God", that's in the Bible, that people say is Jesus' father ...

A [deeply disappointed]: But I want to learn about the Greek gods! I wish they were teaching me about the Greek gods, not the Christian one.

Me: Okay, but listen. You are already really interested in Greek gods and are learning lots about them on your own. And Christianity is a part of your heritage - your dad and I both come from Christian backgrounds, and it will be good for you to learn more about that. It also plays a big part in lots of other things you'll be learning about, so it's good to be familiar with it.

A: But -

Me: And you'll always be able to learn about the Greek gods.

A: Okay. Speaking of learning, can I go back on Wikipedia?

(Edit: I just realized I never told him that the people at the school will view God on very different footing from the way they view Greek gods, and he needs to be aware and respectful of their belief. We'll need to review that soon.)

Conversations With My Boys: East Asia Edition

On the trip to China and Japan:

[We land in heavy smog in Beijing]

A: Actually, this looks just like Manitoba.

Me: That's because you can't see any of it.

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J (on drinking vanilla soda): This tastes identical to Inca Kola!

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J (upon discovering Coke flavoured Mentos): I have Coke, and I have Coke Mentos. I want to do a science experiment in my mouth!

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Dad: You guys don't know who Confucius was?

J: No.

Dad: Well, he was a teacher, and he's pretty famous, someone whose teachings are so well known and respected that he's kind of worshiped. A bit like Mohammad, or Jesus, or ...

J: He's like someone in my class?

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A (holding incense for the Tibetan Lama Temple): Hey J! This makes a great machine gun! Chk-chk-chk-chk-chk! We're the Incense Troopers!

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J (upon seeing electric lamps in the Lama Temple): So, they do use electricity? They work it into their culture?

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A (at the central Beijing train station): Anybody tries to pick MY pocket, they'll find a LOT of junk.

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[I start paying attention to the kids' dialogue in time to hear this]

A: ... and he tried to look innocent, but it's hard to look innocent when you're English.

J: What?

A: You know, English. From England.

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A: I'm starving!! ... Not really. I was being DRO-matic.

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J (on arriving at our hosts' in Hebei): They're treating us a bit like kings.

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A: I will always remember my first taste of fresh goat's milk! Mostly because I took a picture of it with my iPod Touch.

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A (after visiting his first Japanese restroom): They have bum squirters!

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J: What does "obedient" mean? ... Why are you laughing?!?!

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A: Japan and China are really very different, aren't they? But in Canada, people treat them like they're practically the same!

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J (peeling himself off a wall after seeing his first bullet train): That scared the heck - the H-E-double hockey sticks - out of me!

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A: J could strip the bones of half a mermaid in seconds flat.

Me: What?

A: Well, there are some fish that can strip the bones of a person in seconds flat. And J loves to eat fish. And I think you know that mermaids are half fish.

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A: Ninjas could kill any animal. By befriending it and then when they share a meal, poisoning its food.

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Me (as we arrive in Vancouver): Wow, look at that blue sky! Where's the smog?

J (rolling eyes): Mom! It's not Beijing!

Conversation With a 10-Year-Old: Stalling Edition

J [After the lights are off, as I'm tucking him into bed]: So, Mom?

Me: Yes?

J: How was your day today?

Me: Just fine, kid.

J: Did you get any exciting new cases?

Me: Well, I ... wait. Nice try, son. Go to sleep.

Conversation With a 7-Year-Old: Early Riser Edition

[A enters the living room wrapped in a blanket at 6:55 am]

Me: Good morning!

A: Good morning. Am I up early?

Me: Yes, you're up pretty early.

A: I woke up, and I knew it was morning, because I could hear the birds tweeting outside. They start to tweet in the morning.

Me: That's true, they do.

A: They're like my alarm clock!

Me (chuckling): I guess that's right!

A (warming to the subject): Actually, they're a very good alarm clock. They wake you up, and you can't turn them off!

Conversation With a 7-Year-Old: Explanatory Edition

A: It's just that I really like to read! All the time! I mean ... no offence.

Me: Okay, I think we need to talk about what "offence" means. Do you know what offence is, what it means to be offended?

A: Yeah, I think I do.

Me: All right, what does it mean?

A: It means ... um ... it's just like when ... Okay, I'll give you an example to show what I mean.

Me: Go ahead.

A: Okay. I'm going to make it a law example, because you're a lawyer, all right? To make it a little clearer?

Me: Sure.

A: So, that town that wanted to kill the deer. The people who don't like killing the deer, they might be offended that people want to kill the deer. And that's why they're taking them to court.

Me: Wow, sounds like you understand it. But it's not just not liking someone doing a thing - it's that the thing hurts you or is really unpleasant to you. And could that ever apply to you reading?

A: Ha! No.

Conversation With the Boys: Spirituality Edition

[I've just tucked the boys into bed]

A: Mom? There are some people that are sort of Christians and sort of not Christians. They believe some of the Christian things.

Me: That's right.

A: And I'm one of those people.

J: Me too!

A: Because I believe, when you die, you go on to a new life. Like, you've finished this level and you're going on to the next level.

J: I believe that if there's an animal you really love, you might become the spirit of that animal after you die.

Me: That's pretty cool.

A: Do you believe in that stuff, Mom?

Me: Christian beliefs? I gotta say, kiddo, I don't really believe in most of the things that Christians do - not the things that make them specifically Christian, I mean.

A: But what about, like, wizards and ghosts and those things?

Me: Nope, I don't believe in supernatural things. But I do like to imagine they exist, and I think imagining things is pretty magical.

J: Well, I believe.

A: Me too!

[I now wonder whether we should have explored what they actually think "Christian" means]

Conversation With a 7-Year-Old: Mispronunciation Edition

A: So, I know some stuff about Jews.

Me: I beg your pardon?

A: You know, Jews? Like, the ancient Greek god who ruled the skies?

Me: Ooooh. Zeus.

A: Yeah, him.