A: Mom, have you heard of the Angel of the Battlefield?
Me: No, I haven't.
A: I can't believe you haven't heard of the Angel of the Battlefield!!!
Me: Well, you can tell me about them ...
A: It's a she. A girl. And do you know what she would do?
Me: No.
A: She would go out into the battlefields of the Civil War - you know, the war, when the United States fought the United States? - and [starting to get a bit choked up] she would find injured soldiers and take them to a tent and cure them!
Me: That is pretty amazing.
A: No, I mean right in the war! Like, with cannons firing!! And rifles!! And she just went in there [choking up again] to save people!
Me: Did you read about this at school?
A: Yes, I read about it at school. That's the really cool thing about the Magic Treehouse books - they mix things that really happened with made up stories.
Me: I'm just impressed that you guys know what the Civil War was.
A: Um, it was, like, only the biggest civil war in one country ever. Of course we've heard of it.
J: Yeah, Mom - National Geographic?
Me: Ok, fine - it's all right for me to be impressed that you guys know so much about the Civil War. Do you know anything about the War of 1812?
J: Um .... maybe a bit?
Me: Right. We'll be remedying that.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Conversation With a 7-Year-Old: Miracles of Modern Science Edition
A: So, when I'm a DNA genius scientist, I'm going to work on inventing plants that can make you better.
Me: Did you know that a lot of medicines do come from plants?
A: Really?
Me: Yep.
A: Okay. Well, I was thinking of inventing a plant that could cure heart attacks, and tastes like chicken.
Me: If you successfully do that, you'll make a lot of people happy.
A: Yeah, I bet people would pay $20 for that.
Me: I bet they'd pay a lot more than $20 for a heart attack cure that tastes like chicken.
A: Like, $1,000?
Me: No question.
Me: Did you know that a lot of medicines do come from plants?
A: Really?
Me: Yep.
A: Okay. Well, I was thinking of inventing a plant that could cure heart attacks, and tastes like chicken.
Me: If you successfully do that, you'll make a lot of people happy.
A: Yeah, I bet people would pay $20 for that.
Me: I bet they'd pay a lot more than $20 for a heart attack cure that tastes like chicken.
A: Like, $1,000?
Me: No question.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Conversation With an 8-Year-Old: Film Critic Edition
[I am walking the neighbour kid home]
Kid: Did you think The Hangover was good? I thought it was pretty funny.
Me: Your parents let you watch The Hangover?!
Kid: Yeah, I can watch whatever I want. J and A can't, can they?
Me: No.
Kid: Like, I bet they'd be totally freaked out if they saw Saw. I was kinda scared when I saw it.
Me: .... um. Yeah. I bet. I wouldn't watch that.
Kid: It's pretty gross.
Me: Yep. Not my style.
Kid: You don't like scary movies.
Me: I like scary movies, but not movies that are just gross. I like suspense.
Kid: I bet you'd like The Woman In Black.
Me: You see that one too?
Kid: Yeah, it was creepy.
Me: Mmm. J and A watched the trailer with me. I'll probably see it.
Kid, chuckling: Oh, man. You know what you should see? I mean, J and A probably can't handle it, but you should see Tucker and Dale vs. Evil. I think you'd really like it.
Me: Oh, okay, cool. I'll have to check it out.
Kid: It's a bit rude, and gross, but really funny.
Me: Got it.
[weeks later I see a reference to the movie in an article and actually check out the IMDB page and - darnit - the kid is right. I think I will probably enjoy it.]
Kid: Did you think The Hangover was good? I thought it was pretty funny.
Me: Your parents let you watch The Hangover?!
Kid: Yeah, I can watch whatever I want. J and A can't, can they?
Me: No.
Kid: Like, I bet they'd be totally freaked out if they saw Saw. I was kinda scared when I saw it.
Me: .... um. Yeah. I bet. I wouldn't watch that.
Kid: It's pretty gross.
Me: Yep. Not my style.
Kid: You don't like scary movies.
Me: I like scary movies, but not movies that are just gross. I like suspense.
Kid: I bet you'd like The Woman In Black.
Me: You see that one too?
Kid: Yeah, it was creepy.
Me: Mmm. J and A watched the trailer with me. I'll probably see it.
Kid, chuckling: Oh, man. You know what you should see? I mean, J and A probably can't handle it, but you should see Tucker and Dale vs. Evil. I think you'd really like it.
Me: Oh, okay, cool. I'll have to check it out.
Kid: It's a bit rude, and gross, but really funny.
Me: Got it.
[weeks later I see a reference to the movie in an article and actually check out the IMDB page and - darnit - the kid is right. I think I will probably enjoy it.]
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Conversation With a 7-Year-Old: Role Playing Edition
[I am lying in bed, trying to rest. A comes along, having invented an adventure game, in which he creates quests in a fantasy world. I get coins and gadgets (his word) that I can use to complete quests, for which I will be rewarded with more coins and prizes]
A, after explaining the game to me: So, do you want to play?
Me: Sure.
A: Okay, just let me get a pen. [goes away, comes back] I brought 2, in case the first one runs out of ink.
[...well into the game..]
A: You find a baby mammoth.
Me: Oh, should I adopt the baby mammoth?
A: Isn't it obvious? Of course! Hold on. [draws mammoth] Ok! It costs 850 coins.
Me: I have exactly 850 coins left.
A: Lucky, right?
Me: Um. If I spend all of my coins on the baby mammoth, will I run into trouble later on?
A: Um, no ... you can get more coins when you find the golden crab and return it to its home.
Me: Oh, okay. Wait. I thought I found the baby mammoth. How come now I have to pay for it?
A: You found it at a tree that sells animals.
Me: A tree. That sells animals.
A: Yep.
Me: Is it a sentient tree?
A: Yep!
Me: Do you know what sentient means?
A: Nope!
Me: Okay. It means aware and thinking. ... all right, I will buy the baby mammoth.
[...later on ...]
A: [Whistling]
Me: What's that?
A: It's the wind.
Me: Brrr. Baby mammoth and I - I'm going to call him Tusky. Tusky and I should hide out and get warm. Do I have a tent or a sleeping bag or anything?
A: No ... but you don't need them.
Me: But it's a storm!
A, chuckling: It's not a storm! It's just, like, an Antarctica place. Remember, there was all that ice in the canyon, and you have a mammoth?
Me: Right. So we're warm enough?
A: Well, I think you know what your mammoth can do.
Me: ?
A: Isn't it obvious? He's shedding! You can use his fur to make a pillow.
Me: Right, obvious.
[...and even later...]
A: Okay, now you come to a beach. There's something about this beach.
Me, half asleep by now: Oh, I don't like the looks of this beach.
A: What? No! There's something good on the beach!
Me: Oh! Right! The golden crab!
A: Right.
Me: Do I have to catch it?
A: Obviously!
Me: Okay. I will make a net from the fur Tusky sheds. Have I seen the crab yet?
A: No, you have to find it.
Me: Can I hunt it? Does it leave footprints?
A: It's claws are gold, like, made of gold, so they're so heavy it can't lift them. So it drags them.
Me: Oh. Makes sense.
A: You see snail tracks. I mean, what LOOK like snail tracks.
Me: Okay, I follow the tracks. I see the crab! I throw the net!
A: You miss. He's too fast.
Me: With solid gold claws he can't even lift?
A: Well, he's just really small.
[I start to drift back off to sleep]
A: Okay! You caught him!
Me: Woot. What did I win?
A, chortling: No, no, you have to get him to his home first.
Me: Oooooh.
A: You look around. There is wood all over the beach. I think you know what to do next.
Me: Build a fire?
J, who has recently entered: No, you build a shelter!
A: No, a raft. Obviously.
Me: I think you need to cut back on your use of "obviously".
J: I think a shelter makes more sense.
Me: J, you're not the DM. A, I need to cross the water?
A: Yes, the golden crab lives across the water.
Me: Okay, I build a raft, lashing the pieces together with more of Tusky's fur.
A: Tusky is getting a little bald spot. You should put him in your backpack to keep warm.
Me: Okay.
[... I drift in and out of sleep...]
A: The mammoth keeps watch in the crow's nest.
Me: I built a raft with a crow's nest?
A: Yes!
Me: Wow. I'm good at building rafts.
J: It even has an elevator to get the mammoth up and down safely.
A: You're pretty much the best raft builder ever.
[And then I got the golden crab home safely and was rewarded with 500 coins and a laser sword. So, you know, regular Tuesday]
A, after explaining the game to me: So, do you want to play?
Me: Sure.
A: Okay, just let me get a pen. [goes away, comes back] I brought 2, in case the first one runs out of ink.
[...well into the game..]
A: You find a baby mammoth.
Me: Oh, should I adopt the baby mammoth?
A: Isn't it obvious? Of course! Hold on. [draws mammoth] Ok! It costs 850 coins.
Me: I have exactly 850 coins left.
A: Lucky, right?
Me: Um. If I spend all of my coins on the baby mammoth, will I run into trouble later on?
A: Um, no ... you can get more coins when you find the golden crab and return it to its home.
Me: Oh, okay. Wait. I thought I found the baby mammoth. How come now I have to pay for it?
A: You found it at a tree that sells animals.
Me: A tree. That sells animals.
A: Yep.
Me: Is it a sentient tree?
A: Yep!
Me: Do you know what sentient means?
A: Nope!
Me: Okay. It means aware and thinking. ... all right, I will buy the baby mammoth.
[...later on ...]
A: [Whistling]
Me: What's that?
A: It's the wind.
Me: Brrr. Baby mammoth and I - I'm going to call him Tusky. Tusky and I should hide out and get warm. Do I have a tent or a sleeping bag or anything?
A: No ... but you don't need them.
Me: But it's a storm!
A, chuckling: It's not a storm! It's just, like, an Antarctica place. Remember, there was all that ice in the canyon, and you have a mammoth?
Me: Right. So we're warm enough?
A: Well, I think you know what your mammoth can do.
Me: ?
A: Isn't it obvious? He's shedding! You can use his fur to make a pillow.
Me: Right, obvious.
[...and even later...]
A: Okay, now you come to a beach. There's something about this beach.
Me, half asleep by now: Oh, I don't like the looks of this beach.
A: What? No! There's something good on the beach!
Me: Oh! Right! The golden crab!
A: Right.
Me: Do I have to catch it?
A: Obviously!
Me: Okay. I will make a net from the fur Tusky sheds. Have I seen the crab yet?
A: No, you have to find it.
Me: Can I hunt it? Does it leave footprints?
A: It's claws are gold, like, made of gold, so they're so heavy it can't lift them. So it drags them.
Me: Oh. Makes sense.
A: You see snail tracks. I mean, what LOOK like snail tracks.
Me: Okay, I follow the tracks. I see the crab! I throw the net!
A: You miss. He's too fast.
Me: With solid gold claws he can't even lift?
A: Well, he's just really small.
[I start to drift back off to sleep]
A: Okay! You caught him!
Me: Woot. What did I win?
A, chortling: No, no, you have to get him to his home first.
Me: Oooooh.
A: You look around. There is wood all over the beach. I think you know what to do next.
Me: Build a fire?
J, who has recently entered: No, you build a shelter!
A: No, a raft. Obviously.
Me: I think you need to cut back on your use of "obviously".
J: I think a shelter makes more sense.
Me: J, you're not the DM. A, I need to cross the water?
A: Yes, the golden crab lives across the water.
Me: Okay, I build a raft, lashing the pieces together with more of Tusky's fur.
A: Tusky is getting a little bald spot. You should put him in your backpack to keep warm.
Me: Okay.
[... I drift in and out of sleep...]
A: The mammoth keeps watch in the crow's nest.
Me: I built a raft with a crow's nest?
A: Yes!
Me: Wow. I'm good at building rafts.
J: It even has an elevator to get the mammoth up and down safely.
A: You're pretty much the best raft builder ever.
[And then I got the golden crab home safely and was rewarded with 500 coins and a laser sword. So, you know, regular Tuesday]
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Conversation With a 7-Year-Old: Look Sharp Edition
Me [after combing A's hair before the first day of school]: Lookin' sharp, kid.
A: I might look sharp, but what's even sharper is my MIND!
A: I might look sharp, but what's even sharper is my MIND!
Conversation With a 7-Year-Old: Maturity Edition
Me: A, I know you're angry with me, but I don't know why. We can't fix it unless you tell me what's up.
A: No, it's okay, but it's not something that needs to be fixed. It was just something you said, and I feel upset about it, but I don't want to tell you, and I'll get over it.
Me: I am actually totally okay with that. Shake on it?
A: Yep. [shakes hand]
A: No, it's okay, but it's not something that needs to be fixed. It was just something you said, and I feel upset about it, but I don't want to tell you, and I'll get over it.
Me: I am actually totally okay with that. Shake on it?
A: Yep. [shakes hand]
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