Conversation Between the Boys: Cover Edition

A [singing to the tune of the William Tell Overture]: Halleloo halleloo halleloo-oo-YAH! (repeated)

[pause]

A: J, do you like that, or do you like it better like this? [sings Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah chorus]

J: I like that better. But would it sound very good if you sang it like this [sings it in a whiny falsetto]? Do you like that?

A: No, but you know what's even worse than that? Is just to do this [chants monotonously] ha-lle-lu-jah-hall-le-lu-jah-ha-lle-lu --

J: Okay, enough, that's bad.

[long, pensive moment]

[J begins singing bass line to Seven Nation Army. A joins in a moment later]

Conversation With an 8-Year-Old: Sentimentality Edition

[I hear weeping from the bedroom and go to investigate]

Me: What's wrong?

J: I am going to miss being 8.

Me: Oh, honey. You know how much I cried when I turned 20?

J: How much?

Me: A lot.

J: Why did you cry?

Me: Because I wasn't a teenager anymore.

J: But, am I going to be in between now?

Me: In between what?

J: You know, in between.

Me: In between 8 and 10?

J: No, like ... not a kid, but not a teenager.

Me: A tween?

J: Yeah.

Me: Oh, no. Not till you're 11. Or at least 10.

J [suspiciously]: Why not?

Me: Gotta get into the double digits to be a tween.

J [relieved]: Oh. Okay.

Me: You know, 9 should be good - you've got lots of friends who are 9.

J: I know. It just hurts my feelings that I can't stay 8.

Conversation With an 8-Year-Old: Self-Regulation Edition

Me [on YouTube]: Check this out! It's called "Who's On First?"

J: What's it about?

Me: It's like that conversation you guys were having about the computer days.

J: Okay, but I can't look! [covers eyes]

Me: Why not?

J: Because I'm grounded from computers!

Me: Oh, right. Good point.

Conversation With the Boys: Abbott and Costello Edition

J: What are your computer days at school?

A: Your computer days.

J: No, not my computer days. What are your computer days?

A: YOUR computer days!

J: No, like my computer days are Monday and Friday. What are your computer days?

A: Monday and Friday.

J: No, I mean -

A: Wehavethesamecomputerdays!!!

J: Oh.

Me [gales of laughter]

A & J [accusingly]: What's so funny!?!

Conversation With a 6-Year-Old: Punishment Edition

[The boys are grounded for general attitude problems]

A [to his father, defiantly]: And your cuddles are grounded for five weeks! NO! For a YEAR!

Conversation With a 6-Year-Old: Terminology Edition

A: Grandpa, cuddles are different from hugs.

Grandpa: Yes, I agree.

A: Because cuddles are longer, and cozier. Hugs are just like this [demonstrates]. But cuddles can go on for a long time. I like cuddles better.

[long pause]

A: Grandpa, what do you like better? Hugs or cuddles?

Grandpa: Definitely cuddles.

A: Yeah, me too.

Conversation With a 6-Year-Old: Grudge Edition

A [after handling a gerbil a little too much and being bitten]: Do you think the gerbil forgives me?

Me: Yes, I'm sure he forgives you.

A [resolutely]: Well, I don't forgive him!

[some hours pass]

A [sitting by the gerbil cage]: I don't forgive you, you know. I'm never going to pick you up again. Even if you are fuzzy.