Conversation With an 8-Year-Old: Self-Regulation Edition

Me [on YouTube]: Check this out! It's called "Who's On First?"

J: What's it about?

Me: It's like that conversation you guys were having about the computer days.

J: Okay, but I can't look! [covers eyes]

Me: Why not?

J: Because I'm grounded from computers!

Me: Oh, right. Good point.

Conversation With the Boys: Abbott and Costello Edition

J: What are your computer days at school?

A: Your computer days.

J: No, not my computer days. What are your computer days?

A: YOUR computer days!

J: No, like my computer days are Monday and Friday. What are your computer days?

A: Monday and Friday.

J: No, I mean -

A: Wehavethesamecomputerdays!!!

J: Oh.

Me [gales of laughter]

A & J [accusingly]: What's so funny!?!

Conversation With a 6-Year-Old: Punishment Edition

[The boys are grounded for general attitude problems]

A [to his father, defiantly]: And your cuddles are grounded for five weeks! NO! For a YEAR!

Conversation With a 6-Year-Old: Terminology Edition

A: Grandpa, cuddles are different from hugs.

Grandpa: Yes, I agree.

A: Because cuddles are longer, and cozier. Hugs are just like this [demonstrates]. But cuddles can go on for a long time. I like cuddles better.

[long pause]

A: Grandpa, what do you like better? Hugs or cuddles?

Grandpa: Definitely cuddles.

A: Yeah, me too.

Conversation With a 6-Year-Old: Grudge Edition

A [after handling a gerbil a little too much and being bitten]: Do you think the gerbil forgives me?

Me: Yes, I'm sure he forgives you.

A [resolutely]: Well, I don't forgive him!

[some hours pass]

A [sitting by the gerbil cage]: I don't forgive you, you know. I'm never going to pick you up again. Even if you are fuzzy.

Conversation With An 8-Year-Old: Old Timey Edition

J: Mom, what are 80s?

Me: What?

J: What are the 80s?

Me [suppressing a laugh]: well, the 80s are years. What year is it now?

J: 2011.

Me: and what year was it last year?

J: 2010.

Me: Right. So, if you count backwards, eventually you get to 2000, right?

J: Yeah ...

Me: So before that it was the 1900s. Like, the one thousand nine hundreds. Because one thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine comes before two thousand, right?

J: Yeah.

Me: So, there were the 1990s – the 90s – and before that the 80s, the 70s, the 60s, the 50s, the 40s –

J: But were you in the 80s?

Me: Yes.

J [gives me a huge hug]

Me: What’s that for?

J: It’s your year – it’s so cool you were alive in a cool time!

Me: What do you mean?

J: Like, “the 80s!” You know. Not like “two thousand eleven”. That’s not cool. The Eighties!

Me: But I was born in the 70s.

J [with eyes like saucers]: really?!

Me: Yep, 1975.

J: That’s so awesome. “The Seventies.” Like, cowboy times.

Me: What?

J: You know, back when there were cowboys. And, like, sheriffs. And six shooter guns.

A: And AK-47s.

J: Yeah, and AK-47s.

Me: Yeah, those were some pretty wild times.

Conversation With a 6-Year-Old: Messianic Edition 2

A, from the back seat, matter-of-factly: In 5 decades, the Earth is going to explode.

J, equally nonchalant: So, I'll be 58 when I die.