Conversation With The Boys: Get Off My Lawn Edition

J: Stampylongnose has more YouTube subscribers than One Direction!

Husband, baffled: ... what's One Direction?

Conversation With an 8-Year-Old: Swearing in Front of the Kids Edition

[Last night around 6, after I received an email from J's teacher specifying what he should wear for the Mother's Day performance today]

Me: A, do you have to wear anything special for school tomorrow? For the show?

A: I just have to change into a rabbit suit once we get there.

Me: But what do we have to do here? Anything special we need to do here?

A: I just wear my uniform and get changed into the rabbit suit at school.

Me: Okay, cool.

[This morning 15 minutes before the bus arrives]

Me: J, a black shirt for school has to be black, not black with stuff all over it.

J: My teacher said it could have something little on it.

[The whole front of his black shirt is covered in a white skull and thistle motif and says in giant letters "East End Radicals]

Me: Go change!

J: I don't have anything!

A: And I still need you to make me a rabbit suit!

Me: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! SHIT!!!

Kids: [Shocked silence]

Conversation With an 8-Year-Old: Supply and Demand Edition

A: Mom, you might want to drink a bit less wine for the next few months. It's winter, and you don't want to run out of wine before the grapes start growing again.