Conversation With a 9-Year-Old: Greek Mythology Edition

A, as he is being tucked into bed: "So, I learned a basic fact today."

Me: "Yeah?"

A: "Yeah, it turns out that Athena didn't just burst straight out of Zeus's head."

Me: "Oh, no?"

A: "No. Zeus was complaining about a really bad headache, so he got this guy to split his head open with an ax, and then Athena came out."

Me: "Wow, so she didn't so much spring out as get cut out, huh?"

A: "I guess so. Talk about a dramatic entrance!"

Conversation With an 11-Year-Old: Don Juan Edition

Me, as we're walking downtown with our visitors: And this street (pointing up street overhung with large, shady trees) is where people come at night to make out. And pee.

J: What's "make out"?

Me: Like, kissing.

J: Why here?

Me: I guess because it's dark, they can be in the shadows, so they feel more private?

J: I wouldn't kiss in the shadows. I'd kiss in the light right under a streetlamp. That's more romantic. And then as you kissed YOU would cast a shadow ... of love.

Conversation With an 11-Year-Old: Prayer Edition

J: Mom, I know quite a lot about prayering.

Me: About praying?

J: Yeah. Because we have to do it at school. It's in Spanish, but I can translate it for you. I might not get it exact, but I mostly know it. It goes "Santa Maria, madre de Dios, ruega por nos ... ahora y en la hora de nuestra muestra" - it means "Santa Mary, mother of Zeus, pray for us now and when he shows up."

Conversation With a 9-Year-Old: Preparation Edition

A: So, today's Wednesday.

Me: Yes.

A: And tomorrow's Thursday ...

Me: ... yes?

A: And then Friday we don't have to go to school because we're going to Chile?

Me: That's right. Two more days of school, then a five day weekend while we're in Chile.

A: We should probably take tomorrow off to pack.

Me: Nice try, kid.

A: Or we could take today off to pack, and go to school tomorrow.

Me: You don't need a full day to pack for a five day trip.

A: I just want to be prepared!

Me: Right.

Conversation With the Boys: Colour Edition

J: Mom, when Persephone comes to live with us, we should get her a purple collar. Like, a magenta colour of purple.

A: Or a darker shade of purple. With silver bones on it.

[Magenta? Since when do my kids know what magenta is?]

Conversation With a 9-Year-Old: Moral Support Edition

Me: Good night, sweetie.

A: Mom? Are you almost done your work?

Me: Well, I'm about halfway done.

A: When you're done, it's going to feel like ... ahhhhh! And I am pretty sure that if I'm asleep when you're done, my spirit in my dream will congratulate you. And then tomorrow morning I will congratulate you awake!

Conversation With The Boys: Get Off My Lawn Edition

J: Stampylongnose has more YouTube subscribers than One Direction!

Husband, baffled: ... what's One Direction?